Gratitude

Feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude these days.  I look around me and see happiness and joy everywhere.  My kids all seem to be in great places.  My work is once again fulfilling and satisfying.  My marriage is the happiest thing I've ever known next to being the mother of my three beautiful children and the grandmother to my sweet little Nadira and soon to be born grandbaby.  I know things in life go in cycles and what is amazing today may not be tomorrow, so I'm enjoying this time of tranquility in my world.

I wish for anyone reading this that they too feel the joy of love and tranquility in their worlds.  If you are experiencing one of the low points in your life, I urge you to persevere through and believe that things will get better.  When I heard about Robin Williams and the terrible sadness and depression he was feeling and living with for so long, it made me so sad for him, his family and every other person in this world suffering through such a debilitating disease.  I'm fortunate so far to never have felt that low and been afflicted by depression that was so all consuming that suicide seemed like the best possible solution.  I pray I never do.  I can only understand it to a point then it eludes me, which is why I'll never put a judgement on anyone who does decide the only way to end the pain is to take their own life.  I can only hope that they are able to get the help they need before it is too late.

One year

Happy first anniversary to my amazing husband.  Thank you Mark for all you do for me.  Thank you for bringing such love, joy, and security to my life.   I could never have imagined being this happy and contented in my life.  I love you so.  I'm looking forward to the next year and the next and the next and the next........

That Time of Year... Again...

February and March..  Those two months most teachers begin considering a new line of work.

The thinking starts with... "Wow.. it seems like I'm being asked to do more than I have time in a day to get it all done!"  "I must not be managing my time properly!"   "Wait a minute!  It's because they're asking me to do things I have no time to do!  At least not properly!" 

And then a glance at the calendar and a gentle reminder from my husband.. "Sweetheart... you always get this way this time of year." Then I start asking other teachers.. "Are you exhausted?"  "Are you able to get everything done in an average day.. week?"  And the answers come. "No! It's crazy!"  

So... Now I'm on track. I'm remembering that this too shall pass. The state testing is one week away from being over.  The new READ act is a joke.. and I'll play their game, but know in my heart that it's a bunch of BS...  I'll remember that I have been with these kids for most of a school year now and am very tuned into their strengths and areas of need.  I'll just keep plugging away and do what I know to be best and know that in the end.. it'll all work out.. because it always does!  15 years of teaching have taught me that!  Some kids learn quickly.. Some take their time.. and some just lag behind.  I know I"m not supposed to look at outside factors... I'm supposed to "overcome" those and treat every child as someone who can learn.  I know every child can learn.. but I also know that if they are not getting enough to eat at home.. or being beaten on a regular basis at home.. or are scared or nervous or watch their mom get the snot beat out of her every night.. learning isn't going to be at the top of their "to-do" list.  So..  I do my best and let them know that they can trust me and they can relax in my classroom and know that nothing bad is going to happen to them.. but I also know that they're most likely not going to meet those all important "benchmarks"  and it's going to be my fault because after all...  Every child can learn.. so she must not have done enough with this one or that one.  Never mind the nightmare parenting they have been suffering through.

So.. it's all going to be ok in the end.  The ones who are treated wonderful at home will do wonderful in school.  The ones who are treated like hell at home will try their darndest to learn and complete those homework assignments on their own.. while dad is watching a blaring TV and yelling at mom to "Bring me another beer, you BITCH!"  Easy.. right?  

In the end.. I look at my three children and know that they're all doing just fine.  They made it through those school days and survived.  Even when I wasn't always on top of my game at home.. they made it.

If they made it.. then I think most of my students will make if just fine.  The ones with the cards stacked against them will weigh heavily on my heart, but my heart will know that those ten months they were with me, they knew they were loved, valued and regarded as special and unique..  

Let those cards fall where they may..  but know that you did all you could to stack that deck.

Canvas and Cocktails

Canvas and Cocktails.  It was fun.  I painted Red Rocks. Well.. I attempted to paint Red Rocks. So did Mark.  I was happier with my painting that Mark was with his.  I guess he had higher expectations for himself than I had for myself.

I guess the real reason for painting wasn't to prove we were amazing painters, but to prove that anyone can pick up a brush and paint.  Good or bad..  it's a painting.

I have all kinds of advise for the people who run this business.  First of all.. the music.. the music should be low and in the classical genre rather than LOUD and obnoxious 80's music played through tinny fuzzy speakers.  It just added a chaotic feeling to a situation that already felt a little chaotic.  Peaceful is the way I envisioned our experience.. but loud, noisy, and chaotic is how it was.

Dinner afterwards was nice though.  Good food, great company and my wonderful husband at my side.

All in all.. it was a good day... And I have an original Susan Tatum painting to hang on the wall.

Thankful

Often times we take for granted the love and support we have in our lives.  I'm guilty of that sometimes but I must say of late, I've been much more aware of how fortunate I am.

As I sat at our Thanksgiving table, I looked at the faces of my sons, their wives, my daughter, my mother, my granddaughter, and my husband.  I had an overwhelming feeling of pride and gratefulness. My sons are incredibly successful in their adult lives and they are so good at letting me know that they love me.  My daughter, although she is going through a bit of rough time, is bright and funny and beginning to make her way in this world.  My granddaughter is a little source of light and love who reminds me that life is something to be wondered at.  My mom has been steadfast in her love and commitment to me and my siblings.  Our road has had it's share of bumps and dangerous curves, but in the end, she is there. My daughters-in-law are bright, confident women who shine in their own right.  They stand strong by their husbands, but stand equally strong on their own.  They impress me more each time I spend time with them.  Then there's my husband. Words fail me quite frequently when I try and convey my feelings for him.  I have never felt so cared for. So loved.  He brings a stability into my life that I've never experienced.  When I wake up in the morning he's there to caress my hand and tell me how much he loves me. At night his chest and arms provide a warm cocoon of love for me to snuggle into.  Each day brings another opportunity for me to show him how much I love him.  I try to stay in the moment with him and just enjoy loving him. It isn't always easy, but it's something I strive for.

So, being thankful isn't just something I am on Thanksgiving, it's something I am every day of my life. I'm surrounded by love and grateful for all the people in my life.

Hell Week

It's been quite a week.  I had my first set of conferences at my new school.  The conferences went well and I felt pretty good about them overall.  They just go so late into the evenings and I really don't like working 13 hour days.  I have tomorrow off to make up for it, and so does Mark.. so I'm looking forward to spending uninterrupted time with him.  I'm thinking a motorcycle ride would be awesome!  It's been perfect weather to get out on the bike.

What's been rough to deal with this past 2 weeks is my broken toe.  It's not getting any better and seems to be getting worse.  I think I may need to call the doctor and get a boot or a shoe of some sort to help it heal.

Not being able to run and/or work out has been tough.  It's what helps me relieve stress and get out of my head.  Now, I'm sitting at home each evening with ice on my elevated foot and being a reluctant couch potato.  I need this to heal so I can get moving again.  Patience.. Patience... Patience..  **sigh**

Flooding and Evacuations

Well...  I never thought that I would be in a possible flood evacuation, but here I am. I'm surrounded by areas of evacuation.  I'm literally in a pocket.  I think I'm starting to understand how truly thankful I am that my home was built on an elevated plot.  My yard slopes down to keep the rain from getting into my basement.  I'm hoping that with the predicted additional rainfall that I'll remain safe from flooding and evacuation.

Just in case, Savannah, Mark and I have our bags packed, our animals ready to be crated and out the door we'll be able to go.  I really hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does I'll deal with it.  Mark, Savannah and I will be together and that's what counts.  I just really don't want to lose my home, or have it damaged.