The thinking starts with... "Wow.. it seems like I'm being asked to do more than I have time in a day to get it all done!" "I must not be managing my time properly!" "Wait a minute! It's because they're asking me to do things I have no time to do! At least not properly!"
And then a glance at the calendar and a gentle reminder from my husband.. "Sweetheart... you always get this way this time of year." Then I start asking other teachers.. "Are you exhausted?" "Are you able to get everything done in an average day.. week?" And the answers come. "No! It's crazy!"
So... Now I'm on track. I'm remembering that this too shall pass. The state testing is one week away from being over. The new READ act is a joke.. and I'll play their game, but know in my heart that it's a bunch of BS... I'll remember that I have been with these kids for most of a school year now and am very tuned into their strengths and areas of need. I'll just keep plugging away and do what I know to be best and know that in the end.. it'll all work out.. because it always does! 15 years of teaching have taught me that! Some kids learn quickly.. Some take their time.. and some just lag behind. I know I"m not supposed to look at outside factors... I'm supposed to "overcome" those and treat every child as someone who can learn. I know every child can learn.. but I also know that if they are not getting enough to eat at home.. or being beaten on a regular basis at home.. or are scared or nervous or watch their mom get the snot beat out of her every night.. learning isn't going to be at the top of their "to-do" list. So.. I do my best and let them know that they can trust me and they can relax in my classroom and know that nothing bad is going to happen to them.. but I also know that they're most likely not going to meet those all important "benchmarks" and it's going to be my fault because after all... Every child can learn.. so she must not have done enough with this one or that one. Never mind the nightmare parenting they have been suffering through.
So.. it's all going to be ok in the end. The ones who are treated wonderful at home will do wonderful in school. The ones who are treated like hell at home will try their darndest to learn and complete those homework assignments on their own.. while dad is watching a blaring TV and yelling at mom to "Bring me another beer, you BITCH!" Easy.. right?
In the end.. I look at my three children and know that they're all doing just fine. They made it through those school days and survived. Even when I wasn't always on top of my game at home.. they made it.
If they made it.. then I think most of my students will make if just fine. The ones with the cards stacked against them will weigh heavily on my heart, but my heart will know that those ten months they were with me, they knew they were loved, valued and regarded as special and unique..
Let those cards fall where they may.. but know that you did all you could to stack that deck.
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