Refreshed and relaxed...

Glenwood Springs was amazing.. relaxing.. just want I needed.. Curtis was an amazing traveling companion. We laughed.. loved.. relaxed.. and just enjoyed being with each other.

On Friday when we arrived, we checked into the cutest little hotel room.. relaxed in the room for a while then went and got a delicious mexican dinner. We walked around Glenwood for a while after, then went to the Hot Springs.. Ahhhhhhh it was amazing. The natural temperature of the water was 104 degrees while the air temperature was around 50 degrees. It was perfect. After spending about 3 hours in the water, we took our pruny selves back to the hotel and enjoyed a wonderful evening of just us.... and all that entails. ;)

On Saturday we slept in and then had breakfast in the hotel. It was pretty good for a hotel breakfast. Then we did some sight seeing and shopping. I got Savannah a cute little sculpture of a purple dragon and a beanie baby wiener dog. Curtis got his girls some pretty necklaces and a couple of sculptures also. Then we had a wonderful lunch outside on a pretty little patio. The food was delicious and the company was even better. After lunch we walked back to the hotel and got our jackets and rode the tram up to the top of the mountain. We saw beautiful views of the canyon and lots of people just having a good time.

We were going to go back to the pool Saturday evening, but ended up just staying in and enjoying each other. We watched a movie. It was so nice not having an agenda. Sunday morning, we slept in, packed up and had a great breakfast at a little German restaurant. Then had a beautiful drive back down the mountains.

It was so great to have Curtis to myself for an entire weekend. No teenaged girls... just us. Next time we go, we're taking the girls. But... this weekend was just for us.

My tree is beginning to change.. and it looks beautiful. Fall is in the air and although I'm feeling sad about John and all of that crap... I'm feeling good too, because fall is my favorite time of year. This year the weather has stayed so warm, that I wondered if we'd have a fall at all. But, in just the past few days, the colors began peaking out of the trees and bushes. This makes me feel better.. and also being able to take nice hat baths is nice too. In the hot summer months, baths are not so great.. I'm looking forward to soaking in a hot bubble bath tonight.

Happy fall... Welcome cool weather... Stick around for a while and keep that freezing cold weather at bay.

October

October 22nd... here it comes again.. and once again.. I'm caught off guard by the deep sadness and feelings of loss..

The worst part is that there isn't anything to do with these feelings.. Just be sad.. just feel empty.. Just feel like I don't want to be around anyone.. even Curtis..

Curtis is being understanding.. it's the first time he's had to deal with this "me".. It's such a different me. I'm usually so positive and "the glass is half full" kind of girl.. but right now, I just want to crawl inside myself and be alone.

I hope that when we are in Glenwood Springs, I can let this go and enjoy him and our time together.

But.. all I can think about is will this be the year that John thinks about me on his birthday..

and.. I get angry. I want to scream at him and his adoptive mom and tell them what ungrateful assholes they are. I gave birth to him.. I gave him to you.. and you never even say thank you.. I know that all of this is unreasonable.. but it's in me and it eats at me... and I'm just so sad..

So... I know that there are some out there that find pleasure in hurting me.. by letting me know how perfect everything is in their perfect lives.. and as happy as I am for them.. in October... it just feels like a slap in the face.. or a punch in the gut.. but as long as they found pleasure in the process of inflicting the pain.. then I guess it's all ok... and in November.. I'll be fine with the perfect life.. Mine might feel perfect by then too...

but for right now... I hope you choke on your champagne in your fucking hot tub...