An exhausting Tuesday..... almost done....

I'm tired.. I'm exhausted... I'm running on my last ounce of energy....

I took too much on this year. I thought if I was busy, I wouldn't miss Curtis so much...

But guess what.. I miss Curtis.. so much...

I do keep my mind busy enough to keep thoughts of him as bay... and then something will happy to thrust him to the forefront of my mind... and then I feel sad.. so sad...

And then... today.... he texted me.. to tell me how miserable he is.. and still how busy he is.. I'm miserable without him.. he's miserable without me... and yet.. apart is how we have to be.

Because the truth of the matter is that neither of us is in a place where another heart can enter the picture. He has school.. work.. the girls... the girls... the girls.... and I have 2 schools, 2 committees, 1 summer school.. and Savannah... Savannah... Savannah...

He lives for others.. I live for others... and one day the "others" will be gone.. and he'll be alone and I'll be alone.. and that's just depressing.

So.. This exhausting Tuesday is over. I'm going to bed.. alone.. alone... alone... so .. alone..

What's even more exhausting than working yourself to the bone.. is surviving a terrible loneliness that has no end in sight.. It's exhausting to be alone.. and lonely...

Good night Tuesday.. Hello empty bed... See you tomorrow Wednesday.... which is really Tuesday in disguise.. Tuesday was just lonely Monday in disguise.. and so on and so on and so on....

They all look and feel the same.. and I remain unloved.....

good night...