Why.....

I've always been able to pick myself up...
Dust myself off...
and forge ahead....

Not this time..

I wake up... and I wonder..
Why???
Why get out of bed?
What exactly is it that is worth
the EFFORT..... so much EFFORT....

I finally do get up...
and go downstairs to make coffee..
I turn on the news...
and I wonder..
Why???
Why is everything so bad out there?
Why do people treat one another they way they do?

Then I go to work.. and walk into my classroom..
It's usually the one place I can answer the question.. Why?
But these past few months.. it's not so clear.
Too many behavior and parent issues..
Too many times when I'm not who I want to be..
Who I used to be..

I look in the mirror..
and wonder..
Why???
Why would anyone love me??
It's clear that I have nothing to offer anyone...
Just old.. ugly... fat... me...
Not such a great thing..

Not picking myself up this time.
Wanting to throw in the towel..
Wanting to give it all up...

Why????