Gratitude

Feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude these days.  I look around me and see happiness and joy everywhere.  My kids all seem to be in great places.  My work is once again fulfilling and satisfying.  My marriage is the happiest thing I've ever known next to being the mother of my three beautiful children and the grandmother to my sweet little Nadira and soon to be born grandbaby.  I know things in life go in cycles and what is amazing today may not be tomorrow, so I'm enjoying this time of tranquility in my world.

I wish for anyone reading this that they too feel the joy of love and tranquility in their worlds.  If you are experiencing one of the low points in your life, I urge you to persevere through and believe that things will get better.  When I heard about Robin Williams and the terrible sadness and depression he was feeling and living with for so long, it made me so sad for him, his family and every other person in this world suffering through such a debilitating disease.  I'm fortunate so far to never have felt that low and been afflicted by depression that was so all consuming that suicide seemed like the best possible solution.  I pray I never do.  I can only understand it to a point then it eludes me, which is why I'll never put a judgement on anyone who does decide the only way to end the pain is to take their own life.  I can only hope that they are able to get the help they need before it is too late.

One year

Happy first anniversary to my amazing husband.  Thank you Mark for all you do for me.  Thank you for bringing such love, joy, and security to my life.   I could never have imagined being this happy and contented in my life.  I love you so.  I'm looking forward to the next year and the next and the next and the next........

That Time of Year... Again...

February and March..  Those two months most teachers begin considering a new line of work.

The thinking starts with... "Wow.. it seems like I'm being asked to do more than I have time in a day to get it all done!"  "I must not be managing my time properly!"   "Wait a minute!  It's because they're asking me to do things I have no time to do!  At least not properly!" 

And then a glance at the calendar and a gentle reminder from my husband.. "Sweetheart... you always get this way this time of year." Then I start asking other teachers.. "Are you exhausted?"  "Are you able to get everything done in an average day.. week?"  And the answers come. "No! It's crazy!"  

So... Now I'm on track. I'm remembering that this too shall pass. The state testing is one week away from being over.  The new READ act is a joke.. and I'll play their game, but know in my heart that it's a bunch of BS...  I'll remember that I have been with these kids for most of a school year now and am very tuned into their strengths and areas of need.  I'll just keep plugging away and do what I know to be best and know that in the end.. it'll all work out.. because it always does!  15 years of teaching have taught me that!  Some kids learn quickly.. Some take their time.. and some just lag behind.  I know I"m not supposed to look at outside factors... I'm supposed to "overcome" those and treat every child as someone who can learn.  I know every child can learn.. but I also know that if they are not getting enough to eat at home.. or being beaten on a regular basis at home.. or are scared or nervous or watch their mom get the snot beat out of her every night.. learning isn't going to be at the top of their "to-do" list.  So..  I do my best and let them know that they can trust me and they can relax in my classroom and know that nothing bad is going to happen to them.. but I also know that they're most likely not going to meet those all important "benchmarks"  and it's going to be my fault because after all...  Every child can learn.. so she must not have done enough with this one or that one.  Never mind the nightmare parenting they have been suffering through.

So.. it's all going to be ok in the end.  The ones who are treated wonderful at home will do wonderful in school.  The ones who are treated like hell at home will try their darndest to learn and complete those homework assignments on their own.. while dad is watching a blaring TV and yelling at mom to "Bring me another beer, you BITCH!"  Easy.. right?  

In the end.. I look at my three children and know that they're all doing just fine.  They made it through those school days and survived.  Even when I wasn't always on top of my game at home.. they made it.

If they made it.. then I think most of my students will make if just fine.  The ones with the cards stacked against them will weigh heavily on my heart, but my heart will know that those ten months they were with me, they knew they were loved, valued and regarded as special and unique..  

Let those cards fall where they may..  but know that you did all you could to stack that deck.