Gratitude

Feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude these days.  I look around me and see happiness and joy everywhere.  My kids all seem to be in great places.  My work is once again fulfilling and satisfying.  My marriage is the happiest thing I've ever known next to being the mother of my three beautiful children and the grandmother to my sweet little Nadira and soon to be born grandbaby.  I know things in life go in cycles and what is amazing today may not be tomorrow, so I'm enjoying this time of tranquility in my world.

I wish for anyone reading this that they too feel the joy of love and tranquility in their worlds.  If you are experiencing one of the low points in your life, I urge you to persevere through and believe that things will get better.  When I heard about Robin Williams and the terrible sadness and depression he was feeling and living with for so long, it made me so sad for him, his family and every other person in this world suffering through such a debilitating disease.  I'm fortunate so far to never have felt that low and been afflicted by depression that was so all consuming that suicide seemed like the best possible solution.  I pray I never do.  I can only understand it to a point then it eludes me, which is why I'll never put a judgement on anyone who does decide the only way to end the pain is to take their own life.  I can only hope that they are able to get the help they need before it is too late.

One year

Happy first anniversary to my amazing husband.  Thank you Mark for all you do for me.  Thank you for bringing such love, joy, and security to my life.   I could never have imagined being this happy and contented in my life.  I love you so.  I'm looking forward to the next year and the next and the next and the next........

That Time of Year... Again...

February and March..  Those two months most teachers begin considering a new line of work.

The thinking starts with... "Wow.. it seems like I'm being asked to do more than I have time in a day to get it all done!"  "I must not be managing my time properly!"   "Wait a minute!  It's because they're asking me to do things I have no time to do!  At least not properly!" 

And then a glance at the calendar and a gentle reminder from my husband.. "Sweetheart... you always get this way this time of year." Then I start asking other teachers.. "Are you exhausted?"  "Are you able to get everything done in an average day.. week?"  And the answers come. "No! It's crazy!"  

So... Now I'm on track. I'm remembering that this too shall pass. The state testing is one week away from being over.  The new READ act is a joke.. and I'll play their game, but know in my heart that it's a bunch of BS...  I'll remember that I have been with these kids for most of a school year now and am very tuned into their strengths and areas of need.  I'll just keep plugging away and do what I know to be best and know that in the end.. it'll all work out.. because it always does!  15 years of teaching have taught me that!  Some kids learn quickly.. Some take their time.. and some just lag behind.  I know I"m not supposed to look at outside factors... I'm supposed to "overcome" those and treat every child as someone who can learn.  I know every child can learn.. but I also know that if they are not getting enough to eat at home.. or being beaten on a regular basis at home.. or are scared or nervous or watch their mom get the snot beat out of her every night.. learning isn't going to be at the top of their "to-do" list.  So..  I do my best and let them know that they can trust me and they can relax in my classroom and know that nothing bad is going to happen to them.. but I also know that they're most likely not going to meet those all important "benchmarks"  and it's going to be my fault because after all...  Every child can learn.. so she must not have done enough with this one or that one.  Never mind the nightmare parenting they have been suffering through.

So.. it's all going to be ok in the end.  The ones who are treated wonderful at home will do wonderful in school.  The ones who are treated like hell at home will try their darndest to learn and complete those homework assignments on their own.. while dad is watching a blaring TV and yelling at mom to "Bring me another beer, you BITCH!"  Easy.. right?  

In the end.. I look at my three children and know that they're all doing just fine.  They made it through those school days and survived.  Even when I wasn't always on top of my game at home.. they made it.

If they made it.. then I think most of my students will make if just fine.  The ones with the cards stacked against them will weigh heavily on my heart, but my heart will know that those ten months they were with me, they knew they were loved, valued and regarded as special and unique..  

Let those cards fall where they may..  but know that you did all you could to stack that deck.

Canvas and Cocktails

Canvas and Cocktails.  It was fun.  I painted Red Rocks. Well.. I attempted to paint Red Rocks. So did Mark.  I was happier with my painting that Mark was with his.  I guess he had higher expectations for himself than I had for myself.

I guess the real reason for painting wasn't to prove we were amazing painters, but to prove that anyone can pick up a brush and paint.  Good or bad..  it's a painting.

I have all kinds of advise for the people who run this business.  First of all.. the music.. the music should be low and in the classical genre rather than LOUD and obnoxious 80's music played through tinny fuzzy speakers.  It just added a chaotic feeling to a situation that already felt a little chaotic.  Peaceful is the way I envisioned our experience.. but loud, noisy, and chaotic is how it was.

Dinner afterwards was nice though.  Good food, great company and my wonderful husband at my side.

All in all.. it was a good day... And I have an original Susan Tatum painting to hang on the wall.

Thankful

Often times we take for granted the love and support we have in our lives.  I'm guilty of that sometimes but I must say of late, I've been much more aware of how fortunate I am.

As I sat at our Thanksgiving table, I looked at the faces of my sons, their wives, my daughter, my mother, my granddaughter, and my husband.  I had an overwhelming feeling of pride and gratefulness. My sons are incredibly successful in their adult lives and they are so good at letting me know that they love me.  My daughter, although she is going through a bit of rough time, is bright and funny and beginning to make her way in this world.  My granddaughter is a little source of light and love who reminds me that life is something to be wondered at.  My mom has been steadfast in her love and commitment to me and my siblings.  Our road has had it's share of bumps and dangerous curves, but in the end, she is there. My daughters-in-law are bright, confident women who shine in their own right.  They stand strong by their husbands, but stand equally strong on their own.  They impress me more each time I spend time with them.  Then there's my husband. Words fail me quite frequently when I try and convey my feelings for him.  I have never felt so cared for. So loved.  He brings a stability into my life that I've never experienced.  When I wake up in the morning he's there to caress my hand and tell me how much he loves me. At night his chest and arms provide a warm cocoon of love for me to snuggle into.  Each day brings another opportunity for me to show him how much I love him.  I try to stay in the moment with him and just enjoy loving him. It isn't always easy, but it's something I strive for.

So, being thankful isn't just something I am on Thanksgiving, it's something I am every day of my life. I'm surrounded by love and grateful for all the people in my life.

Hell Week

It's been quite a week.  I had my first set of conferences at my new school.  The conferences went well and I felt pretty good about them overall.  They just go so late into the evenings and I really don't like working 13 hour days.  I have tomorrow off to make up for it, and so does Mark.. so I'm looking forward to spending uninterrupted time with him.  I'm thinking a motorcycle ride would be awesome!  It's been perfect weather to get out on the bike.

What's been rough to deal with this past 2 weeks is my broken toe.  It's not getting any better and seems to be getting worse.  I think I may need to call the doctor and get a boot or a shoe of some sort to help it heal.

Not being able to run and/or work out has been tough.  It's what helps me relieve stress and get out of my head.  Now, I'm sitting at home each evening with ice on my elevated foot and being a reluctant couch potato.  I need this to heal so I can get moving again.  Patience.. Patience... Patience..  **sigh**

Flooding and Evacuations

Well...  I never thought that I would be in a possible flood evacuation, but here I am. I'm surrounded by areas of evacuation.  I'm literally in a pocket.  I think I'm starting to understand how truly thankful I am that my home was built on an elevated plot.  My yard slopes down to keep the rain from getting into my basement.  I'm hoping that with the predicted additional rainfall that I'll remain safe from flooding and evacuation.

Just in case, Savannah, Mark and I have our bags packed, our animals ready to be crated and out the door we'll be able to go.  I really hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does I'll deal with it.  Mark, Savannah and I will be together and that's what counts.  I just really don't want to lose my home, or have it damaged.

Braces Gone!

She no longer has the metal and rubber bands in her mouth.  She has a retainer.  She's happy about that.

I wish I could say that I was not worried about her.  But I can't do that. I am worried.  She's not happy at school.  She doesn't follow the mainstream.  I know that in itself is not a reason to worry, but when it comes to school and graduating and making a life for herself, I worry.  It would just be so much easier on her and me if she did follow that mainstream.  So.. now she's saying she wants to transfer to an on-line school.  She wants to move out of the normal classroom and do all her learning from the computer. She wants to isolate herself and I'm not happy about that.  I'm worried about that.

I keep thinking that what is the big deal?  If she gets a degree and can move on to college, what's the big deal?  I don't know what the big deal is, but my gut tells me that it is a big deal.  There is something that isn't sitting right with me on this.  But then again.. it's Savannah and since she was 10 years old, she's been doing things that don't sit right with me

 I also ask myself if I'd have had the opportunity to learn on my own and quit going to a normal school, would I have done it.... and I think the answer would have been yes.  I hated school.  I was not a mainstream kid.. but I wasn't a trouble maker either.  I just didn't fit into the High School Rah Rah mentality.  I didn't like anything about it.  I moved on after school and made a life for myself.. and so will she..right?

So...  here we go again.  Savannah pushing my ideals and what I thought was ok.  Pushing me to think outside the box.  Finding myself thinking, "What will other people think?" Mad at myself for thinking that.  It's a different world.  I work in a school district that understands this. It's a new world.

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This parenting thing is rough sometimes.

Little Nadira

Tonight I'm a happy grandma.  I got to spend the day with my little granddaughter and it was a delightful day.  She's just so sweet and funny!  Yes.. there was a lot of laughter in my house today.  A lot of joy as well.  That little girl brings out the best in everyone.  I love her so much!

I'm going to go to bed now and wait for Mark to get home from his gig.  Tomorrow is another fun filled day with my baby girl.  I'm thinking the park and some shopping. Whatever we do, it's going to be fun and I'm looking forward to watching her learn and grow.  She's so smart!  Love...  so much love. <3 p="">

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah....

What a fun and energetic night it was at Red Rocks Amphitheater!  Mark and I were dancing and singing and having a grand ole time.  The Beatles Tribute Band, 1964 was so amazing.  They really captured the music, the look, and the excitement.  Now.. to be honest, there wasn't the ridiculous screaming that went on in the 60's, but there was a lot of happy people re-living their earlier lives when the Beatles made their mark in history.

And we're off.....

Two days into this new school year and I'm feeling hopeful, excited, and energized.  This school is proving to be exactly what I thought it would be.  I'm happy to say that I feel very much a part of this school already.  The staff has gone out of their way to make me feel welcome and that I'm a vital part of them.

Tomorrow is our Open House.  I'll be meeting my families and my students.  I'm so looking forward to this because after all...  there wouldn't be school if it weren't for them

My wish for everyone is that they are able to spend their days feeling useful and valued.  There is nothing that feels better.  It doesn't matter what you do as long as you feel valued for it and appreciated.

This is a good lesson for marriage as well.  I make a point to tell my husband every day that I appreciate the way he loves me and supports everything I do.  He really is an amazing person.  He's great about letting me know too that he loves and supports me.

So.. off to bed..  with hopes for a wonderful tomorrow.

New School, New Room, New Beginning

This year marks my 15th year of teaching.  Seems strange that 14 years have passed.  I've loved almost ever minute of my time as a teacher.  I've laughed, cried, yelled, and almost had a nervous breakdown.  But what I have experienced the most is joy.  Children are amazing people to spend your days with.  They tell it like it is.  They make my laugh.  They make me crazy.  They make me feel great about myself and then a second later as bad as I've ever felt.

A teacher has a lot of power.  Power to lift up and power to stomp down. I wish I could say that I've always chosen my words wisely and have never hurt a child with my words.  The truth is that I've hurt numerous children with angry words that I spewed in moments of frustration.  Those words were always immediately followed by an apology, but they were out there and they had hit their target.  Damage had been done.  My goal every year is to NOT let that happen.  But fatigue, stress, and frustration have their way of creeping in and before I know it, I'm in a precarious position where hurtful words are positioning themselves to spring from my mouth.  Keeping them in and taking a breath and counting to ten is essential.  Once in a while I'm successful and I keep them at bay.  Once in a while... not so much.

So now, I'm beginning a new chapter in my teaching career.  A new school and a new beginning.  I'm excited about this coming school year.  Something that had been lacking last year.  I realized that as my 14th year of teaching progressed, I wasn't experiencing as much joy and satisfaction.  I was dreading going to school.  I realized I was not feeling like a very good teacher.  My principal was someone who was always looking forward and asking that question.. "How could you make things better?"  Of course this is a good question, because things could always be better, but before that question, maybe there should be some praise for what's going well.  There were many things going well in my classroom.  My student's performed remarkably well on their state test, 93% proficient or advanced.  I also had a lot of love and joy in my classroom which is the most important thing as far as I'm concerned.

I decided in the middle of last school year to apply for a new position if the right one came to me.  And, low and behold, this third grade teaching position opened up and Longmont Estates Elementary.  This school has students that fall into the full range of the socio-economic scale.  I spent the first 12 years of my career working with kids of poverty and the last 2 working with kids from very affluent homes.  Now, I'm ready to work with that elusive group of kids from the middle class.  I was surprised at how many teachers applied for this position.  I had a LOT of amazing competition.  When she called and offered me the position, I felt very honored.  I know the pool of candidates she had to choose from and the fact that she chose me, really made me feel that I still have what it takes to be an effective, loving, and fun teacher.

So.. here we go.  Another new school.  Another new class.  Another new staff.  I'm ready and excited to get this year off the ground....  and hope for a "safe landing" at the end of the ride.  A landing that will make me want to spend as many years taking off and landing at this school.  I'm ready to stay there until I retire if that is what's in the cards for me.

Brit Floyd, a Pink Floyd Tribute Band at Red Rocks Amphitheater

Such a great night last night with Mark at Red Rocks. An evening under the stars with an amazing psychedelic light show along with some of the most amazing guitar solos I've ever heard. It was magical in so many ways. It was Mark's first time at Red Rocks and my first time of really understanding and appreciating Pink Floyd's music. It was so powerful. The visuals were stunning. The music was beautiful and disturbing all at the same time. Many people over the years have asked me if I liked Pink Floyd and my answer was always that I never really listened to them. Of course I know, Money and Another Brick in the Wall... who doesn't? I even asked my 75 year old mother and she knows those two songs. But, as far as Shine on You Crazy Diamond and Mother.. Who knew? I was amazed that such beautiful melodic tones could exist in a Rock and Roll format. So.. in my defense, when Dark Side of the Moon came out, I was 11 years old. I don't know many 11 year olds who can appreciate the lyrics of these songs, or the 17 minute running time of the songs. I was listening to Donny Osmond and David Cassidy at that time. Not too deep.. but OMG!!! They were so cute. :) Now, I'm madly in love with a guitar player.. a guitar enthusiast.. and I'm beginning to appreciate the soul of those 10 minute guitar solos. I'm beginning to understand that being a guitar player isn't just about playing the notes. It's a physical expression of your heart and soul. When Mark plays, I am mesmerized by him as I watch his beautiful hands move around on the strings of his Strat, or Gretsch or whichever of his 15 guitars he's bringing to life at the moment. I fall in love with him just a little bit more with each note. I am moved to tears at times. I watched him be moved to tears last night as Darlington, the musical director and lead guitar player for Brit Floyd, played the solo to Comfortably Numb Now I can say that I am a tentative Pink Floyd fan. I don't believe I will ever understand it the way Mark does, but I can at least I have an appreciation for it. What I can say for sure is that I love experiencing new things with my husband. I love the way his eyes light up when he looks at me and says things like, "I'm more in love with you today than yesterday!" and I believe him when he says it, because each day of my new life brings the same revelation... I'm more in love with him than I was yesterday. Life really does take amazing twists and turns. There are times in one's life where sadness, loneliness, and fear prevail, but if you persevere and make the best of each situation as it arises, you will be rewarded with times of extreme happiness, love and peace. Right now, I'm in the best place I've ever been and I'm living in each moment of it to the best of my ability. I have a partner in this life, a true partner in every sense of the word and I plan on appreciating him in every way I know how. Thanks Pink Floyd for giving me a second chance at your music. 40 years and a lot of life's ups and downs have allowed me to understand you and appreciate what you were saying with your hauntingly beautiful music.

Mr. and Mrs Williams and family

I am so lucky to have such a supportive family and such an amazing husband. One of the reading from our wedding read by my beautiful daughter, Savannah: Touched by an Angel We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight live coiled in shells of loneliness until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies old memories of pleasure ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. (Maya Angelou) Beautiful.

My new husband and sister-in-law. She made the beautiful necklace and earrings I'm wearing. It was a beautiful day and as near perfect as any wedding could be.

4 more days and Mark and I will be married. I'm so fortunate to have found this love in my life.

All grown up and going to the prom

Savannah looked beautiful for her prom last night. She's grown into a lovely young woman. I'm so proud of her.

Our official engagement picture. The wedding is just a month and half away. I'm so looking forward to it. It's going to be such a joyous day!

Snow day on April 9th... Nice.

I was beginning to think we were going to get through this school year with no snow day.. but here we are. A snow day and there is barely any snow on the ground. It's cold and icy, so I know that's why they called it. Mark and I are enjoying a relaxing morning, sitting around drinking coffee and talking. Later we'll head on over to the gym and get a workout in. I like unexpected little surprises like this. A snow day is always a nice surprise. I didn't think so when the boys were little and I wasn't teaching yet. I had to make plans for daycare for them then. That was not fun nor easy. I usually ended up taking a sick day to stay home with them, but I rarely had any sick days available to me.. because when the boys were sick, I had to use them to stay home with them then too. But, now that I'm a teacher, I love these snow days. I do feel for all the parents out there that have to make arrangements for their children today. It's not easy and can be extremely frustrating. Snow days... One of life's little ways of saying.. take it easy.. have some fun.. sleep in... read a book for fun... get in a few more kisses with your hubby (or soon-to-be hubby)... cozy up and watch a good movie.. Or.. get your butt over to the gym and work off that birthday dinner you ate on Sunday night. :) Happy snow day!!!

Engagement

So happy to be engaged to Mark. It's been an incredible year and now I get to spend the rest of my life being his wife. June 9, 2013.. that's the day. The day we stand before our family and friends and vow to love, cherish and honor for the rest of our lives. I love him so and feel so blessed to have found him.