Easter Morning

When I was a kid.. I couldn't wait for Easter morning for so many reasons..

Of course.. there was going to be an Easter basket filled with jelly beans and a cute stuffed animal. There was always an Easter egg hunt... and.. I always got a brand new dress to wear to Easter mass. My mom loved Easter, so she really did it up right.

I was always fascinated with the Resurrection story. One year.. not too many years ago.. I went to a church service where the story of Jesus' Crucifixion and Resurrection was depicted and it was amazing. I really felt the spirit of Jesus in that moment and it was so humbling.

He lived his life in a way that we all should. Loving the unlovable... Reaching out to the people who live on the outside of society... and accepting everyone and loving them...

The judgemental way in which some people act in His name is shameful.

Let's all remember that He loved us all.. for better or worse...

Other People's Business

Every time I hear someone talk about the choices other's make for their lives and condemning them and judging them, I wonder... Why? Why is it their concern or business?

If a human being feels that loving someone of the same sex rather than the opposite sex is what feels right for them, what in the world does that have to do with anyone else? And if those two people would like to get married.. have a wedding to celebrate their love... Why is that the business of anyone else? When they want to share their love and lives with a child.. why is it they have judgment and shame thrown upon them?

I had a heterosexual father... and he sucked.. I see my gay friends raising their children and I'm jealous of their children. They are loving fathers.. involved in the lives of their children.. and understand that it is their job to protect and love no matter what.

My father sent my one birthday card in my entire life... it was on my 19th birthday... and the reason he remembered this birthday was because he wasn't going to have to pay my mother child support any longer... Sweet.. huh?

Who you chose to sleep with isn't what makes you a good or bad candidate for the role of parent... what makes you a good candidate for parenthood is commitment to your child and an unwavering love...

Beautiful Spring Winter

April 23, 2011.... I woke up to snow on the ground.

This is one of the many reasons I love living in Colorado.

Spring makes a very deceptive appearance..... It shows up.. then it goes back into hiding...

By this afternoon, we could have sunny skies and people will be out playing golf or tennis....

We need the moisture..... so many wild fires. ... so much destruction...

So... waking up to the peaceful snow on this quiet April Saturday was a much welcomed sight.

Ahhhhh.... Peace to all....

25,23,14

Three beautiful Children... My Children...

They have filled my life with so much joy and pride...

And now they all just turned another year older...

Vince.. 25... young, strong, handsome. He's the one that will always make sure that I'm ok. He lets his head lead over his heart so much. He wants things to be perfect before he jumps into anything. He eventually realizes that things will never be perfect.. but he keeps expecting perfection.. I love that about him..

Nathan.. 23 .. young, strong, handsome. He's the impulsive one.. He'll do what feels right because he leads with his heart. Reason will always follow his heart. That's why he's getting married this summer... Way before he's really ready to do so.. but.. his heart says that it's time to marry her. He believes that imperfection is perfection.. I love that about him.

Savannah... young, strong willed and beautiful. She thinks only of the moment.. because that is what 14 year olds do. I always tell her that it's okay because I'm holding her future with me.. and when I see her doing something that might jeopardize her future... I help her fix it, avoid it, and understand how and why it isn't a good idea. She thinks she's invincible.. I love that about her.

My life has been enriched so much by these three incredible people. I love that about them.

Recovery

Entering into some manner of recovery is inevitable for everyone.. I think....

I've seen everyone I know recover from one thing or another...

Everyone has their demons... battles... addictions... health problems... and mishaps along the road of life..

Life rarely takes us where we thought we were going. It always gives us the occational bump or bruise along the way and it's up to us to "recover" or not. I've known a few who have finally said.. Forget it!! I'm done!! and they give into the darkness and sink in for the long haul. I have to say I understand the desire to do that sometimes. The darkness can be tempting.. because you are alone there... and the fight is over.

It's always the same thing with everyone that gets them into and through recovery... LOVE... Love is a powerful thing.. a wonderous thing.. a thing we all want.

A loved one will nurse us through a difficult surgery and assure us that it will get better... A loved one will let you know that you're in danger of losing everything.. and get you into recovery.. a loved one will hold your hand when you are just sure you don't have another meeting, appointment, session in you.. and tell you that you do... and guess what???? You do.

Be it a recovery from a surgery... an addiction.. a loss... love is what will get us through everytime..

And you are loved.... very much...

Time

"I'm busy!" He says... so busy... so very very busy....

I have school, I have work, I have my girls, I have my ex who is escalating.. (whatever that means)

So.. here is my question.. where is your joy? where is your smile? where is your happiness...

One year ago I saw them all the time. .. your joy, your smile, your happiness.. Now they are buried in your busy busy life... along with me. You killed us.. and buried me too...

Now I sit here and I wonder about you... I think about how great we are together and how time won't let us be together..

I told you once that I was going to work at being as busy as you so I wouldn't miss you so much.. but then I decided that I didn't want to bury my joy, smiles and happiness too.

And I also realized that no matter how busy I would get ... I would never get too busy for you..because I love you and you deserve time from me....

Taking time away from Savannah to spend an evening with you doesn't mean I'm neglecting her, it means I'm showing her what it takes to make a good relationship work. You, on the other hand, are showing Alexa and Erica that relationships deserve no time.. You are telling them that you don't matter.. only they do.. You wonder why they disrespect you.. It is very obvious that you treat yourself like shit and let them know that your needs always come second to theres.. so of course they will treat you like shit....

You said you won't tolerate me twisting your words.. yet you know I didn't twist your words.. you just didn't like the fact that I called you on your shit... because saying "It just isn't worth it" is saying "Susan, you're just not worth it" no matter how much you wish I was worth it... in your heart you know I'm not.

So.. I know you're not sitting around missing me.. or thinking about me.. and wondering how I am.. because you don't have time to do that either....

but... I am sitting around here missing you and thinking about you and wondering how you are.. because that is what normal people do with the significant people in their lives...

Thank God you are so busy... so busy that you don't even have to think about how lonely and alone you truly are...

Number 50

I can't believe it... but I will be 50 years old next week. There will be a party to celebrate my half a century on this Earth. It's been an interesting ride so far. I have a lot to be thankful for.. and some things that I wish had never happened. But.. even those painful unfortunate events in my life have taught me some valuable lessons, so I guess I have to be thankful for them too.

One thing I'm so glad I did in my life was to have children. I love being a mom... and all that comes with that. My son, Vince is planning my party. He's excited to be able to do this for me and I can't believe he's old enough to take this on. He's enlisted the help of my sisters and mother, which was smart on his part.. since they will be the ones to supply the guest list. The guest list isn't long. I don't have a myriad of friends in my life, but the ones I do have are dear.. They will be here with me to celebrate as well as my family.

So.. here's to the last 50 years.. and here's to the next 50???? ok.. maybe 40 0r 30.. but whatever it is, I'm going to enjoy it.... take my bumps along the way and strive to be the kind of person that I want to be... one that helps others... works hard... and appreciates all she has in this world.

Happy Birthday to me.... :)