Little Isabella and my beautiful Savannah

I'm in love with this new little soul. Savannah and I loved holding her and listening to all her little noises. She's just adorable. Jamie brought the baby with her to book club last night. We were all enthralled with her.

I love babies!! :)

Happy News!

My wonderful son, Nathan proposed to he beautiful girlfriend, Kayla. I'm so happy for them. I know they'll find happiness and also hit those hard times.. I just pray they will stay strong through them.

How exciting to know there is a wedding in the near future. Weddings are such hopeful joyful occasions.

Here then Gone

You look over your shoulder and

he's there.. toddling along behind you

swinging a stick in his hands

humming a little innocent tune

You look ahead of you and

he's running in front of you

letting you see he's in charge

with his phone in one hand, IPOD in the other

You look beside you and

he's shoulder to shoulder with you

sharing his dreams, hopes, fears, joys

getting ready to sprout wings and fly away.

You look around you and

little hints of him exist everywhere

a sock here, a football there

yet he's nowhere to be found.

Here then gone

Laughter then tears

Chaos then quiet

Gone gone gone gone gone gone...

If I never heard from him again, my heart would break into a million pieces. If his birthday came and went without knowing he was alive and well, I would crawl into a little ball and will myself to stop breathing.

August 26th... Just a day for some... a day of great importance and loss for others..

October 22nd.. Just a day for some.. a day of great importance and loss for others..

Isabella Nicole has arrived!

Today I got to hold a precious little baby.. Isabella was born at 5:2o this morning. She is so gorgeous. I'm so in love with her!

Jamie is doing so well. I'm so amazed by her. With all that is going on with her marriage.. she's holding it together and focusing on her baby. I'll be watching her and be ready to step in if it all hits her hard at once.. when she's home from the hospital and Isabella is having a bad night.. and the hormones are raging.. I want to be there to take some stress off her.

Eric is living apart from them.. and I'm feeling good about that, because I don't feel like he's a safe person for her to be around right now. I'm not sure that guy knows how to feel anything but selfishness. It's all about him.. when it should be all about Jamie and Isabella right now.

Anyway.. I'm a proud surrogate Auntie.. and I'm loving it.

wanting vs. needing

A friend posed a question to me.. and all her Facebook friends.. :)

"Should a married couple want each other or need each other"

My response was that want should be the main ingredient.. yet there are times when they will need each other.. even when they might now want one another.

This dear friend of mine is 9 months pregnant and recently found out that her husband of 6 years was having an affair.. and she's hurting and she's scared, and she's incredibly angry.

Truth be told, I've always gotten a "creep" vibe from her husband.. but she was so completely and blindly in love with him, that I just accepted the fact that I didn't see whatever it was that she saw in him.. and after all.. she's the one married to him. I just had to put up with him at parties and an occasional book club (which is very very creepy, because he "lurked" in the background)

Now.. his creep factor is slapping her in the face and it's like she's waking up from a wonderful dream and being thrown into a nightmare. She's going to have his baby, and he's sleeping with someone else.

So.. right now she doesn't want him.. but she desperately needs him.. As a woman who's been 9 months pregnant 4 times.. I understand the vulnerability that comes along with it. It's such a vulnerable place to be. A new life is about to enter the world and you are just sure that there is no way you can take all that on..yet with someone by your side it seems possible.. So.. he needs to be there for this little girl.. and her mother.. but her mother doesn't want him there. It's a complicated place to find yourself.

I pray for my friend.. I do know one thing for sure.. When Isabella Nicole enters her world, she will no longer question what unconditional love looks, feels, and sounds like.. she'll know. There isn't a more perfect moment in the world than holding that precious baby in your arms and looking into their little face and feeling them wrap their hand around your finger.. I've experienced it three times.. and I've yet to find a moment that compares. Maybe my first grandchild will.. but it won't top it.

Good luck my friend.. Hold on to the fact that you are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves all the love and want and need in the world. He might not be the one, but that doesn't mean there isn't another one out there who is. No matter what, you will always be Isabella's mommy.. It's the sweetest of all relationships.. even when it doesn't feel like it.

Want? Need? Like? Love? They all belong in a marriage.. because a marriage is an ever changing thing.. and for it to go the distance you need to endure the valleys as much as you enjoy the hills.

One Year

I can't believe it's been an entire year already with Curtis.. It's been such a good one too. It's had it's ups and downs.. but way more ups than downs.

He surprised me last night with roses, a movie and dinner. It was perfect. He let me know how important I was to him and that this is forever.

Also yesterday, my son Nathan told me he was going to ask his girl to marry him. He's so excited and I'm so happy for him. I'm a little scared for him because I know what he's getting himself into and he has no idea how hard it'll be at times.. I pray for them that they'll make it through all the ups and downs of life together.. supporting each other and remembering that they love each other. It can be easy to forget that sometimes.

Marriage.... something I thought I was done with.. but now I see myself married to Curtis.. walking down an aisle littered with flower petals and him waiting for me at the other end of that aisle.. smiling and knowing that I'm the one he's been waiting for. Sounds kind of naive and corny.. yet it's something I want.

One year.. today is the first day of the second one.. I love you Curtis..

Camping

I did it.. I went camping with Curtis and his family. I met his dad and brother and his brother's wife. His niece and her family was there too. Savannah and I felt so accepted by everyone. It's not surprising to me that his family would be wonderful... because he's so wonderful.

I spent the nights in a cabin with Savannah and Alexa and Erica, Curtis' daughters. We had such a good time. I really got to know his daughters even better. I really like them. They're good girls.

Curtis told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I want to spend the rest of mine with him too. He's such a good person.. and I want to be with him forever..

Quiet Sunday Morning

Coffee... newspaper... quiet..

Savannah is sleeping... and I am enjoying the peaceful solitude of this morning.

I think I'll do something fun today.. maybe take in a movie..

I do have to do some work today for school tomorrow. That'll wait until later on this evening.

Well.. I'm going to finish my coffee... and then contemplate my next move. :)