wanting vs. needing

A friend posed a question to me.. and all her Facebook friends.. :)

"Should a married couple want each other or need each other"

My response was that want should be the main ingredient.. yet there are times when they will need each other.. even when they might now want one another.

This dear friend of mine is 9 months pregnant and recently found out that her husband of 6 years was having an affair.. and she's hurting and she's scared, and she's incredibly angry.

Truth be told, I've always gotten a "creep" vibe from her husband.. but she was so completely and blindly in love with him, that I just accepted the fact that I didn't see whatever it was that she saw in him.. and after all.. she's the one married to him. I just had to put up with him at parties and an occasional book club (which is very very creepy, because he "lurked" in the background)

Now.. his creep factor is slapping her in the face and it's like she's waking up from a wonderful dream and being thrown into a nightmare. She's going to have his baby, and he's sleeping with someone else.

So.. right now she doesn't want him.. but she desperately needs him.. As a woman who's been 9 months pregnant 4 times.. I understand the vulnerability that comes along with it. It's such a vulnerable place to be. A new life is about to enter the world and you are just sure that there is no way you can take all that on..yet with someone by your side it seems possible.. So.. he needs to be there for this little girl.. and her mother.. but her mother doesn't want him there. It's a complicated place to find yourself.

I pray for my friend.. I do know one thing for sure.. When Isabella Nicole enters her world, she will no longer question what unconditional love looks, feels, and sounds like.. she'll know. There isn't a more perfect moment in the world than holding that precious baby in your arms and looking into their little face and feeling them wrap their hand around your finger.. I've experienced it three times.. and I've yet to find a moment that compares. Maybe my first grandchild will.. but it won't top it.

Good luck my friend.. Hold on to the fact that you are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves all the love and want and need in the world. He might not be the one, but that doesn't mean there isn't another one out there who is. No matter what, you will always be Isabella's mommy.. It's the sweetest of all relationships.. even when it doesn't feel like it.

Want? Need? Like? Love? They all belong in a marriage.. because a marriage is an ever changing thing.. and for it to go the distance you need to endure the valleys as much as you enjoy the hills.

One Year

I can't believe it's been an entire year already with Curtis.. It's been such a good one too. It's had it's ups and downs.. but way more ups than downs.

He surprised me last night with roses, a movie and dinner. It was perfect. He let me know how important I was to him and that this is forever.

Also yesterday, my son Nathan told me he was going to ask his girl to marry him. He's so excited and I'm so happy for him. I'm a little scared for him because I know what he's getting himself into and he has no idea how hard it'll be at times.. I pray for them that they'll make it through all the ups and downs of life together.. supporting each other and remembering that they love each other. It can be easy to forget that sometimes.

Marriage.... something I thought I was done with.. but now I see myself married to Curtis.. walking down an aisle littered with flower petals and him waiting for me at the other end of that aisle.. smiling and knowing that I'm the one he's been waiting for. Sounds kind of naive and corny.. yet it's something I want.

One year.. today is the first day of the second one.. I love you Curtis..

Camping

I did it.. I went camping with Curtis and his family. I met his dad and brother and his brother's wife. His niece and her family was there too. Savannah and I felt so accepted by everyone. It's not surprising to me that his family would be wonderful... because he's so wonderful.

I spent the nights in a cabin with Savannah and Alexa and Erica, Curtis' daughters. We had such a good time. I really got to know his daughters even better. I really like them. They're good girls.

Curtis told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I want to spend the rest of mine with him too. He's such a good person.. and I want to be with him forever..

Quiet Sunday Morning

Coffee... newspaper... quiet..

Savannah is sleeping... and I am enjoying the peaceful solitude of this morning.

I think I'll do something fun today.. maybe take in a movie..

I do have to do some work today for school tomorrow. That'll wait until later on this evening.

Well.. I'm going to finish my coffee... and then contemplate my next move. :)

Summer

Ahhhh.. Summer school is over and I'm feeling very tired, but good about how things went.

One thing I know for sure is that I know a good teacher when I see one. I hired some of the best teachers to work for me. I knew it right away in their interviews. I also knew right away which ones I wouldn't want to work for me.

Now I'll be teaching a Jump start program at my school. I'm looking forward to just being a teacher again.

School starts on August 18th. This summer just flew by.

Camping with Curtis and the girls next weekend should be fun.. a nice end to my summer. Savannah is even looking forward to it. I can't believe that I'll get an entire weekend with the man I love.. That never happens. I'll be meeting his family for the first time and I'm a little nervous about that, but it'll be great. Just a quiet, relaxing weekend with good people.

Ahhhh.... summer is almost over and that makes me happy.

Risks..

I'm so glad she's okay... because that means you'll be okay..

I'm so glad she's there... because you need her so..

There are things in life that are worth taking risks for.. then there are those things that should never be put at risk.. and she's one.

I'm so glad I have him.. because that means I'll be okay..

I'm so glad he's here.. because I need him so...

There are things in life that are worth taking risks for.. then there are those things that should never be put at risk.. and he's one.

There will always be kind words for you.. always be love in my heart for you.. always be thoughts of you..

Keep me posted through your blog.. I'll keep you posted here..

We'll have each other always.. because part of my heart will always be yours..

you are just incredible...

Summer

Summer for all intents and purposes is here... and as much as I'm loving being in the yard and garden.. I feel restless..

Curtis.. wow.. he can make me crazy. He can be so close and then move so very far away. I know.. he's busy.. but too busy to say a quick... hi..

I want to spend time with him.. some long uninterrupted time with him. Where we can see if this is something that can go somewhere or something that will wither up and die.. If we don't start spending time together, it will wither up and die. I feel it doing that a little already.

Savannah's summer is going to be a busy one. She will be going here and there and everywhere. Creed, Gunnison, Nebraska, Seattle... and.. volunteering her time at the animal shelter. I'm hopeful that will go well.. better than when her brother did it. He forgot over and over to show up for his shifts. She'll be better than that. I think she's more mature than he was.

Me... a few weeks to relax and then summer school starts. I'm looking forward to the work.. and the pay. I'm looking forward to being busy.

I don't do "unbusy" too well... I need to get better at that.